The Braves aren’t even trying. Of course, the guys on the field are doing quite well. The coaches, groundskeepers and everybody else are doing a terrific job of trying to give Bobby Cox a championship to retire on.
No the lackluster performance that stands out to me is the inability to sponsor every single word spoken during the game. Oh sure we get the, “Verizon call to the bullpen”, “The Geiko quote of the day”, “The AT&T U-Verse trivia question that only truly pathetic baseball nerds can answer”, “Sherwin Williams paint the corner,” but there are so many more possibilities.
How about this? “It’s a called strike, brought to you by the AFL-CIO.” Or maybe, “He was thrown out at home, sponsored by the divorce lawyers of Atlanta.” Then there’s the top of the fifth, sponsored by Johnny Walker Red.
A full count could be from the producers of the latest Dracula movie. There could be the, “Spandex Seventh Inning Stretch.” The head first slide brought to you by the United States Economy. For that matter, taking a cue from Sesame Street, a balk could be sponsored by the word “recession” since nobody seems to be able to define what either one is.
Oh, what the heck! Let’s just put stickers all over the uniforms. Players could be paid like NASCAR drivers. The more you get on TV the better you get paid. A post game interview wearing your sponsor decals would make you a fortune. Catchers’ chest protectors are just begging for sponsorships.
I seem to recall an episode when Ted Turner got pitcher Andy Messerschmidt in a trade. Andy always wore #17. Ted wanted to put “Channel” where the name usually would go. For our younger readers, in the years BC (before cable) WTBS used to be called Channel 17. Major League Baseball told him “no.” What a bunch of old fuddy-duddies. Under my plan his jersey could say “Crate ‘N Barrel” ( because he’s a pitcher…try to keep up.)
The bottom line is, well, the bottom line. Baseball is America’s pastime and advertising is the lifeline of commerce. Sure, Joe and Chip and the gang are spouting sponsor mentions as fast as they can. But, if the game is going to survive and prosper, we need to expand these advertising opportunities. Speaking of the on-air talent, how about the combination of Ron Gant’s head and the phrase, “See Rock City?” I think it could work.
- original photo by Melody
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